When They Say You're "Too Sensitive": A Lesson in Emotional Gaslighting

There’s a quiet tactic some people use that doesn’t scream—it whispers. It doesn’t insult you outright. It questions your memory. Your motives. Your very grip on reality.

It’s called emotional gaslighting—and far too often, it hides behind charm, concern, and the classic refrain: “You’re overreacting.”

🕯️ So What Does Emotional Gaslighting Look Like?

It’s when you name how something made you feel, and instead of reflection, you’re met with:

• “You’re always looking for something to be upset about.”

• “That’s not what I meant—stop twisting my words.”

• “I think you’re projecting.”

  
  

These aren’t tools of connection—they’re tools of confusion. And often, they’re used by people who fear the mirror you’re holding up to them.

🎯 Let’s Be Clear: Advocacy ≠ Overreaction

As women—especially women of color—we’re often told to “calm down,” “let it go,” or “be more understanding” when we simply articulate discomfort. But your voice is not a threat. Your boundary is not an attack. Your clarity is not cruelty.

When someone responds to your emotional truth by questioning your intent, your memory, or your tone—it’s not love, it’s manipulation.

💡 A Truth Worth Repeating

“You noticing what they hoped you’d ignore doesn’t make you dramatic—it makes you discerning.”

Emotional gaslighting doesn’t always come from strangers or surface-level acquaintances. Sometimes, it shows up in the most familiar faces—the ones who’ve shared years with you, only to turn that history into a weapon of dismissal.

Allow me to share a story when emotional gaslighting is allowed to take root and fester, I'll call it:

“But You Two Were So Close…”

They had history—years of friendship blurred by moments of intimacy, laughter, and emotional reliance. So when she confided in their circle that something had crossed the line—a night where boundaries weren’t just overlooked, but entirely dismissed—she expected discomfort, maybe disbelief… but not the silence.

One friend shrugged. “It’s just complicated. Y’all were in love once.”

Another whispered, “You didn’t say no, right? I mean, maybe he misread it.”

She felt her throat tighten. Had she not made it clear enough? Was her trauma eclipsed by their nostalgia? What hurt more than the assault was watching familiar faces twist it into a romantic mishap. As if closeness gave permission. As if her pain was an exaggeration.

They chose their comfort over her clarity. And in doing so, they told her—without saying it directly—that what happened wasn’t real enough to ruin (or expose) the image they had of him.

But she knew the truth. And she held it fiercely.

🛑 Don’t Mistake Silence for Safety

Gaslighting often hides in the nuance of what's unsaid. When a circle decides proximity justifies harm, they’re not honoring the relationship—they’re abandoning the person who was hurt.

Let this serve as a reminder: emotional clarity is not up for group consensus. Your experience is not invalid because it makes others uncomfortable. And your healing doesn’t need approval to begin.

You are not the problem for paying attention. You are not difficult for desiring accountability. And you are not “too much” for asking someone to show up fully present in a conversation/situation they started or contributed.

🛡️ How to Anchor Yourself When Gaslighting Shows Up:

• Get still. If the conversation feels dizzying, it’s by design. Step away and breathe.

• Name it. Even silently. “This is gaslighting” is a powerful reminder to yourself.

• Document the pattern. If it keeps happening, it’s not a misunderstanding. It’s a message.

• Choose you. Every. Single. Time.

  
  

✨ Unapologetically Keyola Means This:

You don’t shrink your voice to soothe someone else's ego. You don’t trade your peace for false partnership. And you never, ever, apologize for standing up for your truth.

💬 Your Turn:

Have you ever been told you're “too sensitive” for holding someone accountable? What did that moment teach you?

Drop your thoughts in the comments, or better yet—let’s work through these patterns in a space that sees all of you.   ➡️ Visit Keyola Consultants and book a clarity session to step into your highest, truest voice—with no apologies attached.