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The Quest for Civility: A Journey Through the World of Etiquette - Part 4: Gossip Is Not Gospel.

We were hoping to pack lite for this journey, however, we found the load heavy and necessary to uncrate. Let's settle down and chit chat a bit. Have you ever been pulled into a situation where gossip and untruths rear their head? Gossip is casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people or persons, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true. These types of conversations are ill-mannered thus are considered bad etiquette. You may recall from this series that etiquette is the set of rules and norms that govern how we interact with others in a polite and respectful way. Etiquette helps us to maintain good relationships, avoid conflicts, and show consideration for other people's feelings and opinions. Gossiping and spreading rumors are two common behaviors that can have negative consequences for both the speaker and the listener. In this blog post, I will explain how these actions are bad etiquette, why you should avoid them and how to avoid the consequences.

Women Gossiping

Gossiping and spreading rumors violate etiquette because they are dishonest, hurtful, and disrespectful. Let's look at each of these aspects in more detail. Gossiping and spreading rumors are dishonest because they often involve sharing information that is not true, not verified, or not relevant. For example, you might gossip about someone's personal life, their appearance, their mistakes, or their secrets. You might spread rumors about someone's reputation, their intentions, their actions, or their relationships. By doing so without all the facts, you are not only lying, but also betraying the trust of the person you are talking about.

Gossiping and spreading rumors are hurtful because they can damage someone's self-esteem, reputation, or relationships. For example, you might gossip about someone's flaws, weaknesses, or failures. You might spread rumors that make someone look bad, incompetent, or untrustworthy. Second, it can hurt the feelings and relationships of the person who is being gossiped about or targeted by rumors. They may feel betrayed, humiliated, or isolated by the negative or false information that is being circulated. By doing so, you are not only hurting the person you are talking about, but also hurting yourself by lowering your own moral standards.

Gossiping and spreading rumors are disrespectful because they show a lack of regard for someone's privacy, dignity, or feelings. For example, you might gossip about someone's personal matters, their choices, or their preferences. You might spread rumors that mock someone's beliefs, values, or opinions. By doing so, you are not only disrespecting the person you are talking about, but also disrespecting yourself by showing a lack of empathy and kindness.

Allow me to paint this scenario. Someone you associate with often, comes to you and a group of your friends about a matter regarding another mutual friend or acquaintance. This associate provides information that is provocative, private and absolutely none of your business however you find yourself concerned, drawn into every gritty detail and slightly entertained. Who doesn't like a good drama, right? Before you know it, you are engaging in the conversation and actually adding information that you are certain were fact. Now you, all your friends and the associate are in a tennis match of information swapping, speculation forming and opinion providing. Then, as the conversation continues it turns into backstabbing, slandering and false prophesying. All of that has transpired while the person in question is not present, aware nor able to retort the attacks you all have conjured. Tsk, Tsk.


Now a toxic and unhealthy environment has been created for everyone involved. Once everyone encounters the person gossiped about, they may eventually become aware of things that were shared, resulting in unnecessary circumstances and potential consequences. Gossip and rumors can foster resentment, jealousy, conflict, and mistrust among people. It can also distract people from their work, studies, better judgment or other important tasks. Therefore, gossiping about others or spreading rumors is bad etiquette and should be avoided as much as possible.

How this affects the gossiper

When you gossip or spread rumors, you are not respecting the privacy and dignity of others. You are also risking your own credibility and trustworthiness, as people may not want to confide in you or associate with you. Gossiping and spreading rumors can backfire on you, as you may be exposed as a liar, a troublemaker, or a hypocrite. This type of activity can damage the reputation and social life of the person who is gossiping or spreading rumors. People may lose respect for someone who talks behind other people's backs or makes false or exaggerated claims. It can reflect poorly on your own character and integrity, as people may question your motives and credibility, and may avoid or distrust you in the future. Therefore, it is better to avoid gossiping and spreading rumors, and instead focus on positive and constructive communication with others.

Why to avoid this behavior

Keep in mind, gossiping and spreading rumors are disrespectful and unkind. When you talk about someone behind their back, you are violating their privacy and trust. You are also making assumptions and judgments about them without knowing the whole truth. You may think that you are just sharing some harmless information, but you never know how it can affect the person you are talking about or the people who hear it. For example, if you gossip about someone's personal life, you may cause them embarrassment, stress, or anxiety. If you spread rumors about someone's work performance, you may damage their career prospects or professional relationships.

Secondly, gossiping and spreading rumors are dishonest and unreliable. When you hear something from someone else, you cannot be sure that it is true or accurate. You may be getting only one side of the story, or a distorted version of the facts. You may also be influenced by your own biases or emotions, which can cloud your judgment and perception. By repeating what you hear, you are spreading misinformation and falsehoods, which can mislead others and harm the credibility of yourself and the source. For example, if you gossip about someone's health condition, you may spread false or outdated information that can affect their treatment or recovery. If you spread rumors about someone's involvement in a scandal, you may ruin their reputation or legal rights.

Thirdly, gossiping and spreading rumors are counterproductive and divisive. When you engage in this behavior, you are wasting your time and energy on something that does not benefit anyone. You are also creating a negative atmosphere and a culture of distrust and suspicion. You may alienate yourself from the person you are talking about or the people who hear it. You may also provoke anger, resentment, or retaliation from them. For example, if you gossip about someone's relationship problems, you may interfere with their personal affairs or cause them to break up. If you spread rumors about someone's political views, you may incite hostility or violence from their opponents.

These are some reasons why gossiping about others or spreading rumors is a bad etiquette that can have serious consequences for yourself and others. Avoid this behavior and practice good manners instead. Here are some tips on how to do that:

- Be respectful and empathetic. Think before you speak and consider how your words may affect others. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if someone talked about you in the same way.

- Be honest and trustworthy. Verify the information before you share it and make sure that it is true and relevant. Do not exaggerate or embellish the facts or add your own opinions or interpretations. Respect the confidentiality and privacy of others and do not disclose anything that they do not want to be known.

- Be constructive and positive. Focus on the good aspects of others and praise their achievements and strengths. Avoid criticizing or complaining about them or comparing them with others. If you have a problem or a disagreement with someone, talk to them directly and politely instead of talking behind their back.

- Be mindful and selective. Choose your words carefully and use appropriate language and tone. Avoid using harsh, vulgar, or offensive words that can hurt others or damage your image. Choose your audience wisely and do not share anything that may offend or embarrass them or cause them trouble.

- Be assertive and confident. If someone tries to gossip or spread rumors to you, do not listen or participate in it. Tell them politely, but firmly, that you are not interested or that you do not believe what they say. If they persist, change the topic or end the conversation.



If you find that you have engaged in gossip or conversation that is counterproductive to your walk of good etiquette, and the other party confronts you, it is wise to accept accountability in the part you played. Be honest and sincere when you share with them what you shared with others. and finally, wholeheartedly, tell them that you apologize to them and to yourself for engaging in that type of activity.

By now you should comprehend and understand that gossiping and spreading rumors are bad etiquette because they harm both the speaker and the listener. They also create a negative atmosphere of mistrust, resentment, and hostility. Gossiping about others or spreading rumors is bad etiquette because it can waste your time and energy, which could be better spent on more productive and positive activities, such as learning new skills, helping others, or pursuing your goals. It is a challenging and enduring practice to master but it benefits everyone when we avoid these behaviors and instead practice good etiquette by being honest, helpful, and respectful. We at Keyola Consultants aid people in living the life in the look they love. Book your consultation with one of our image consultants today and receive 1:1 counseling on how to implement best etiquette rules and practices.


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